HOME

I just wanted to write one more time to let you all know that I am home. Yes, that's right. I am HOME. It felt so unbelievably wonderful to walk back into my house on Saturday night after over almost 24 hours of traveling and a horrible Friday. So wonderful. It is so good to be home.

I'm really thankful for all of your prayers. And I'm thankful that everything worked out. In the end I got to take the same flight I was supposed to...just 24 hours later. It was sad to have to go by myself without everyone else, but at that point I was just so glad to be coming home.

Everyone at school was so helpful and compassionate on Friday...jumping through all kinds of hoops to help me get home. And it was great to have Erin with me too. Everyone showed me so much love. So I guess it was as good as a horrible day can be.

But now that I'm home I'm still really really wishing that this whole mess didn't happen. Because that's all I can think about. I don't feel like I just got home from 4 months in Spain. I feel like I just got home from one horrific weekend in Spain. Right now I can hardly remember all the good things about the semester. I can only remember how Spain tried to hold me captive at the last minute. I hope I can forget this soon.

Again, thank you so much for your prayers...these last few days and the whole semester. It truly was a good experience. It was difficult for sure but definitely worth it. It is too soon to say exactly how I've changed. I imagine it will take me a while to figure that out. But I can say now that I am so thankful that I had this opportunity. Thanks again everyone. I love you all, and chances are I'll be seeing you soon.

Did you hear the news today? I'm not coming home.

Sigh. Prayers would be appreciated right now. If this were a perfect world, I would be in Madrid only about an hour away from boarding a plane to take me home. But this is not a perfect world. And here I find myself sitting once again in the student lounge at the school. I'm still in Sevilla. And I only want one thing. I only want to go home.

My alarm was supposed to go off at 4:00 this morning. Maybe it did. Maybe it didn't. But the only thing I heard was Erin's alarm at 6:15. The plane was supposed to take off at 7. I jumped up and woke Erin, started totally freaking out, and decided to call Leslie (the program director). She called a taxi, and after frantically packing the last few things, Erin and I jumped in the taxi and rushed to the airport.

But by the time we got there, it was too late. They were boarding the flight, and I couldn't get on. The next flight to Madrid would be too late to catch the flight to Chicago, and there are no more flights to Chicago today. I called Leslie and my parents and sat with Erin and cried in the airport for a long time. Then we went "home"...back to that apartment on Calle Salado that used to be home, anyway. Carmen was very sympathetic and seems okay with me staying as long as I need to. So I'm thankful for that. But all I want is to go home.

Right now I'm at school, and I'm feeling a bit better about things. Ana Bello and Leslie are helping me look for flights. It's going to be okay. I just keep thinking about what might have been. How I should be sleeping in my own bed tonight. How I should be hugging my parents this afternoon and seeing my Taylor girls Sunday. And I'm mad at myself for not waking up on time. But there's nothing I can do about it now. Sigh. I know I'll get home. But I wish I was on that airplane with Sarah and everyone else. Right now I have no idea when I'll get to come home. Hopefully tomorrow. But I don't know.

The biggest blessing is that Erin is here with me. She isn't leaving until Monday. She went to the airport with me this morning and is keeping me from going totally insane. It is so nice to not be alone. Without her I would...I don't even know. She keeps reminding me that God has a plan. I know she's right. Sigh. Ana Bello and Leslie are being so great and helpful too. And the good thing is that I have been able to laugh a bit. And someday this will make a great story. But right now...I just want to go home.

This reminds me of one of my favorite songs "Daylight" by one of my favorite bands Brave Saint Saturn (http://www.christianrocklyrics.com/bravesaintsaturn/daylight.php for the lyrics). It's about these astronauts who get stuck in space (oops...the first time I typed that, I typed "Spain." Space and Spain are almost the same). The first line of the song is "Did you hear the news today? I'm not coming home. No." That's how I feel right now. But my favorite part of the song is at the end where it says

Jesus Christ, Light of the World, you never did forget me.
And when I bled in darkness, you held me, still held me.
When desperate nights I cursed you, you loved me, still love me.
Jesus Christ, you dry the tears, you break my heart of stone.
Your words of life, cut marrow through the darkness to the bone.
A heart of flesh you gave me.
Only you can save me.
Savior, Daylight, I am coming home.

I have to cling to that. But please pray for me. Pray that I will get home. I don't know what to do. Sevilla is beautiful. But I want to leave. I want to go home. Please pray.

End

For the sake of writing one more time, I just want to say that life is kind of insane right now. I have my last exam in an hour and a half (I should probably be cramming right now instead of writing). I'm going to start packing tonight (I'm totally dreading that). Tonight and tomorrow Sarah, Erin, and I are making our last frantic attempts to enjoy Sevilla. And Friday morning we fly out and leave this place forever. Hm. That sounds so final. Right now, I am feeling unbelievably ready to come home. But I really am sad to leave. I know I'll miss this. It's so strange to think that I've lived here for so long, but I may never come back. I'll miss this. But I'm so ready to come home!

Thank you all for your prayers. I love you all so much, and I will see you very very soon!!!!

The Last Day of Classes

So this past weekend was way better than I thought it would be. In fact, it was pretty good. Here are some highlights:

1. Thursday night Pablo and I went bowling. It was super fun, and I was even a little sad to say goodbye to him. Oh, how things have changed...

2. After that Sarah and I went to check out a new ice cream place in La Alameda de Hercules. It was delicious, and we're only sad we didn't discover it earlier in the semester.

3. Friday I studied in the park with Erin, studied in the library (!) with Susanna, and went on another ice cream adventure with Sarah.

4. Saturday, I met up with friends from Taylor (Alix, Mary, and Chris), and I spent the afternoon/evening with them. I had been pretty stressed about that. But it turned out to be so much fun. And I think it was really really good for me because showing them around Sevilla helped me realize all the things that I love about this beautiful city. I really do feel pretty at home here so it was nice to share my "home" with others. Also, it was nice to hear about their semester in Ireland and hear news about Taylor people. Yay.

5. Sunday I had breakfast with Erin at a little cafe (Oh, how I love my roommate!), went to church for the last time (will I really be at First Mennonite next Sunday? Wow.) I met up with the Taylor people again and sent them on their merry way. The rest of the day was spent in studying and being lazy.

It turned out to be a good weekend. But this week is going to be crazy. Today we have our history presentation about La Guerra de Sucesion Espanola. I'm actually feeling really great about that. What I'm not feeling so great about is my exams. Today is the last official day of classes. Tomorrow I have exams in Cuentos and Art, and Wednesday is History. I have not studied nearly as much as I did for my other tests. If I was at Taylor I would be studying my brains out. But for some reason I am feeling very unmotivated here. I think I'll be okay. But I'm just so ready to be done with school.

I feel so strange. In a way I am beyond ready to come home. But it will be sad to say goodbye to Sevilla and to my friends here. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. And there is still much to do. It's going to be a CRAZY week!

The Last Weekend or The Art of Balancing

If you will remember, earlier in the semester I was convinced that I had contracted some rare disease which involved being allergic to weekends. I think I've mostly gotten over that. But here we are...the last weekend looms over me. And I'm afraid.

It just feels like in order to get everything done I should probably plan out every single second of the next week or so. I think the thing I am most frustrated about is our History presentation that is Monday. I've been trying to research, but for some reason it is just really difficult for me right now. It's hard to know how much effort to put into this presentation and studying for my last exams (Tuesday and Wednesday of next week). Because really what I would rather do is just hang out with people here...just enjoy my last bit of Spain.

Another thing that's hard to balance is my extreme happiness to go home with my sadness to leave here. I don't think it's bad to be happy about going home. But I know I can't be so happy about that that I forget to enjoy this here.

Sigh. I feel like I'm going to do this wrong. I don't know how to plan this next week.

Don't worry about me too much. I'm sure it will be a good weekend. I just need to do it carefully.

Feria!

Yikes! Yet again, life is super crazy. The bad thing about having a week off of school is that there are always about a bajillion things to catch up on when I return. Luckily for you, though I should probably have chosen others things from my list, this afternoon I have decided to blog. This past week was very very wonderful. Yes, quite wonderful indeed.

I think I'm going to have the same problem as last time though. So many other things have happened recently that I don't think I'm going to take the time to give a detailed summary of my trip. I will just say that it was incredibly relaxing. My time with Angy was very laid back. We mostly just spent time hanging out in her apartment and talking. Though I also got to: taste lamb cake, eat vegetables!, see the sites of Mainz and Enkenbach, eat authentic German food while listening to an argument about atom bombs in German, display my obscenely horrendous volleyball skills to a group of young Germans, eat Sunday popcorn, and ride a bus with 64 German schoolchildren. So thanks, Angy, for being such a wonderful hostess! I'm so glad I got to come.

Burgos was also lovely and relaxing as well. I enjoyed staying with the Foxes and getting to know my little cousins. It was also interesting to see the sites of Burgos including this neat old monastery and the cathedral (which we had previously studied in Art class). And the cool weather was so refreshing as well. So Fox family, thanks to you also for being wonderful hosts!

I got back to Sevilla late Thursday night (after a 6 hour bus ride from Madrid...not my favorite part of the week). After sleeping in Friday morning I woke up to get my first taste of Feria. Here's a very brief explanation of Feria: La Feria de Abril (April Fair) takes place every year in Sevilla. (I think other cities have Feria also, but Sevilla's is the first...and the best, so I've heard.) Okay...I'm too lazy to type out a whole explanation. These 2 links should provide you with pretty good information: http://www.spanishunlimited.com/spain/fiestas/feriadeabril.asp or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seville_Fair

So now that you are all informed about the Feria, I can go on with my story. Friday I went over to the Feria grounds by myself (because pretty much everyone else was still traveling). It was so fun to watch the people. I loved seeing all of the women in their crazy colorful dresses. I had seen a lot of dresses in store window during the past few weeks, but I didn't realize that pretty much EVERYONE wears them during Feria. Also it was fun to see all of the horses parading around (though I certainly wasn't anxious to ride one...I think Scoops scarred me for life last semester). I wandered around the whole place, just looking at everything: the costumes, the casetas, the people, the horses, the rides, the food stands, the streamers and lights. Actually it reminded me a lot of Swiss Days. Though there was quite a bit more alcohol flowing than at Swiss Days.

But the thing I realized is that Feria alone is like Swiss Days would be if you were alone. It's fun for a while, but if you have nobody to talk to and no where to go, you don't really want to stay all day. As I wandered Friday I found myself wishing that I had a traje (Flamenco dress) to wear and friends to visit in a caseta. So I really didn't stay all that long Friday afternoon. And I went to bed early that night.

But Saturday? Saturday was a different story. Oh what a day! In the morning Carmen asked me if I wanted to come to the Feria with her and her family. There was some miscommunication at first (due to a bad habit I've developed of just nodding and saying "si" every time she says something I don't understand), but once I understood what she was asking, of course I said yes! And then she said that I could wear one of her trajes!

Around 2 we started to get ready. I felt like I was getting ready for prom or something! I think Carmen really enjoyed dressing me up. The dress that I wore was orange with purple flowers on it. I don't think orange is really my color, but I didn't really care. The dress was a bit tighter in some places than things I generally wear, but I think it actually fit me exactly how it was supposed to. Carmen helped me pin on my shawl thing as well and she pinned a flower in my hair. I felt so Spanish! Carmen had a dress too. What fun!

We met her family (her sister and brother-in-law, their 2 daughters, and the daughters' families) and walked together to the Feria and to a caseta. I really enjoyed walking in a big group, all in our crazy feria clothes. I felt like I was part of the party, and it was great. When we got to the caseta the drinks started flowing. For the first time in the history of my life, I almost (almost) wished that I drank alcohol. Everyone at the Feria drinks this mixed drink (rebujito) of 7-up and some kind of sherry. It looked really refreshing. But after I was coerced into tasting Carmen's (don't worry, all you upholders of the LTC, it was just a baby sip...hardly enough to wet my lips), I decided there was really nothing all that festive or glamorous about drinking what tasted like carbonated nail polish remover. I decided (not like it was that much of a decision...I wasn't going to drink alcohol even if it did taste good) to stick to Coca-cola.

Anyway, we spend the afternoon in the caseta eating and drinking and enjoying ourselves. At one point some of the little girls went out to enjoy the various rides and stuff so I went along. I loved feeling like I was part of the family. I even got to ride on the pirate ship thing with some of the girls. I went home for a while in the afternoon to rest (and to Pans to show Sarah my dress), but then I came back to the caseta for supper. As the night wore on I considered going back to the house to go to bed, but the party continued, and I was enjoying myself. Around 1 in the morning we got chocolate and churros so of course I had to stay for that! In the end we staying into about 2...even the little kids! What a grand fiesta!

This experience has seriously been one of my very favorite things that I've done in Spain so far. It was kind of like prom + pops concert + Swiss Days. And I loved it! It made me feel so entirely immersed in the culture. And it was also really nice to be able to spend a bit more time with Carmen. Yay! Lovely weekend!



(And look at that...I just succeeded in publishing a picture on my blog! Yay! Now you can see Carmen and I in our trajes!)

The only unfortunate thing is that I am now saddled with kind of an icky cold. I think I inhaled a lot of secondhand smoke in the casetas. But hopefully it will pass quickly, and I'll soon be in tip-top shape for the end of classes (only 4 more days!) and exams next week. Wow...this will all be over before I know it. What a crazy time. Sorry if this post has not been very clear. Sometimes it's hard for me to decide what details to include. But at least I wrote something, yes? Feel free to ask a million questions when I come home.