Prayers in a Package

Whew. I survived. Well, I suppose that remains to be seen. But the important thing is that the tests are done. That's good for sure. What is bad is that I still have about a gazillion things to do. I have some more homework to do that I've been putting off with all my studying and such. I have to meet with Pablo tonight (I'm not completely dreading, but I'm certainly not excited about it. Actually that might be a lie. I might be dreading it.). I have a list of no fewer than 11 people that I need to email. And there should probably be more people on that list. Also, travel plans should be made soon. Ugh. I guess I should just keep reminding myself that I would feel a whole lot worse if I didn't have things to do. And I'm not miserable...I'm really not. I truly am relieved that I conquered those tests once again. Now I'm halfway done!

The highlight of yesterday was that I received a package from my beautiful ladies of First South English!!! It wasn't as much of a surprise as it should have been because I sort of accidentally found out that a package might be coming and then spent the next few days trying to convince myself that it also might not be coming. But anyway...I don't have to worry about that anymore because it came!!! It was full of lovely letters from my girls. I read them all after lunch, and I cried really hard. But that was a good thing. I cried because I'd been feeling a bit lonely/lost/forgotten lately, and the letters made me feel so loved.

I was incredibly humbled by the fact that nearly every letter said something to the effect of "We pray for you everyday!" Wow. That's a lot of prayer. And I know that a lot of the rest of you are praying for me...not just the girls of First South. That's a lot lot lot of prayer. So I'm thinking that if all these people are praying for me, I shouldn't be so scared. I should just trust. And I should do this right. Because I don't want to fail you all. And I don't want to fail God. I want Him to be glorified in this. And I am thankful for your prayers. Please never stop praying.

As I read the letters I missed Taylor so so very much. But still I am overwhelmed by this feeling that I am supposed to be here. I am not supposed to be there right now. And that scares me yet again. Because I know that if I was there right now I wouldn't be happy. It wouldn't be better than this. And I wouldn't be able to make my friends happy or fix any of their problems. In fact, sometimes I wonder if some of their problems have been alleviated because I am not there. And though it is a good feeling to know that I belong here right now, it is not a good feeling to know that I don't belong in one of the places I most want to belong. And I fear coming back. What if I can never belong at Taylor again?

And while I'm rambling aimlessly, I'll also say that I have randomly been thinking about high school a lot lately. Last semester I didn't miss high school at all. I never even thought about it. But now suddenly I think about people I haven't seen since graduation, and I miss them. And I'm sad that this weekend will be the first time I've missed the SA musical since probably elementary school. It's strange. It's almost as if my whole United States life has gotten all lumped together, and I kind of forget which parts are Taylor and which parts are Berne. The good thing about this is that I do miss Berne and my family a lot more than I did at Taylor. I say that this is a good thing because I feel like I've actually been in better contact with my family than I was last semester. And I like that. Also I like that fact that they will be here in just over a week!!!!!

Sorry. This post is really random. And I'm not sure if you all would rather read things about what I'm doing or how I'm feeling. Because I fear that all this introspective emotional stuff is not what some of you have bargained for. But I guess I can't help all these emotions that I have. If you don't want to read about them, feel free to offer suggestions on more tangible things I can write about. Anyway, I'm done with exams, and I can now move on with my life. Maybe I'll find some ice cream today...