Well, here I am. I am here. This does not feel real at all. Everything is so overwhelming. I am tired and scared out of my mind, and I feel so far away from everyone at home. I keep waiting to wake up. Honestly, right now 4 months seems to be only a few days short of eternity. I want to come home.
However, I don't want to make it sound like I am miserable and everything is horrible here because it surely isn't. Jesus is blessing me tremendously. The biggest blessing thus far is my roommate Erin. She has such a heart for Jesus, and we got to pray together on the first night we met. She is so sweet, and her strong faith is such an encouragement. She actually reminds me a lot of Jennica (oh sweet roommate, I miss you sooo much!). She is also good at giving goodnight hugs (though I miss yours, dearest Lauren). My Spanish is better than hers which is a bit scary because I am rapidly learning that my Spanish is even less adequate than I thought it was. In fact, I don't actually know any Spanish. Well, I guess that's not true. But I am feeling overwhelmed right now.
We live in an apartment with a Senora (Carmen) and a little dog named Boli (we think). It is very strange to be living in some else's house, and we are still working to figure out what is expected of us. Erin and I aren't actually rommmates. We each have our own room which is not a bad thing, though we also wouldn't mind sharing. We eat our meals with Carmen (toast for breakfast, flunch around 2, and supper around 9). The television is always on...I don't know if I've seen it turned off at all yet. The dog is very small and very calm and mostly well behaved. Carmen talks to her all the time, and we are amused. Sojmething else that really amuses us is the "estufa" under the table. There is some sort of space heater under the table and so Carmen is constantly pplacing the tablecloth (a long fleece blanket) on her lap. We have started to do it too because the warmth is very nice. It is not very cold outside (though a jacket is very nice to have), but inside the house hace mucho frio. The floors are absolutely frigid so we always wear slippers or shoes. But anyway...the estufa is especially funny because every lunch and dinner we have crusty bread, but last night she put the bread on the estufa under the table to make it warm and toasty. it was yummy but also funny. The food has been pretty good thus far...there is always so much. Way more meat than I am used to, but last night we had salad which was heavenly! Lots of fried things...even french fries on the first day. (I hadn't eaten french fries in years, but I couldn't say no. I didn't think that french fries would be a new thing I'd try in Spain!)
These past couple days have been so very busy and so overwhelming. yesterday we had orientation at a hotel. It was so much information, but it also made me feel a bit more like I knew what was going on. In teh afternoon we had a tour of Sevilla, but I felt so confused because it was all in Spanish. I didn't really understand at all. With my horrible sense of direction I think it might take me forever to learn my way around. Sevilla is surely much bigger than Berne or Upland! It is a beautfiul city, and though it is not home, I suppsoe I am looking forward to exploring. I just registered for classes, and I am muy nerviosa about starting on Monday, but maybe it will be good too to begin to have a routine.
I feel very inferior to the other advanced students in my Spanish abilities. But already I feel like I am learning more vocabulary anyway. My grammar and verb tenses are horrible. It takes a lot of concentration to understand all the time, and when I let my mind wander I get lost. However, I find myself thinking in Spanish sometimes already. And last night random Spanish words were slipping into my journal. Lo sient if that happens on the blog. (Okay...I did that one on purpose, but I'm sure it may acccidentally happen for real sometimes.)
I am very nervous about everything right now. I hate feeling like I am not a part of your lives at home. I miss you all so much that it hurts. Every morning I wake up and think "I don't want to be here." But as I begin to start my day, things get a bit better. Please pray for me that I will begin to feel more confient in my Spanish and that I will feel better about things. I am so scared. But Erin keeps reminding me that Jesus is here with us. She is good for me. When I went to bed around midnight last night, I was thinking about it being only 5 or 6 for all of you. I was thinking of my lovely First South girls only just coming back to the wing from dinner and of my family sitting together for supper and of everyone going about their normal lives...without me. Not that I don't want you all to do things. I want you to have normal lives. But I want to be a part of them too. Sigh. But, it is good to know that Jesus is here. And Erin is here. And Badger and Alice are here. And it will be okay.
(I had to retype this because it didn't post the first time. Sorry for any typos, I'm going so fast. Here's hoping it works the second time!)
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!
Back in the USA
16 years ago
Wow...reading this post is like going back 7 months ago for me. I had all of those feelings, too. It's still hard sometimes for me to accept that things are happening at home that I can't be a part of.
ReplyDeleteHmmm - that sounds too negative...a change always takes a little time to get used to, but I'm sure that you will learn your way around Sevilla, and your Spanish will improve so much since you are surrounded by native speakers.
Don't underestimate yourself, and don't forget to have fun.
(I hope that sounded encouraging, not preachy.)
Don't worry, our senora picked us up at our orientation hotel, and I didn't understand a single word she said on the cab ride to our apartment. But you'll quickly get used to Castellano (the word for the Spain version of Spanish which is very different from American Spanish--or in your case Korean Spanish).
ReplyDeleteThe estufa sounds muy interesante!
Recuerdo, tienes que aprovechar tus dias en espana. (aprovechar is my favorite spanish word=it means to take advantage of and is really very useful--I missed it a lot when I got back to the States)
Have fun! I wish I was there.
Hola Emily! Thanks for updating. It was very interesting to read how things are going. Does your senora speak English? I remember touring with a college group in Mexico for three weeks and living with Spanish families who didn't speak English. You are right, it can make your brain hurt to have to think that much and you can't let your mind drift away. It will be fun to see how much your Spanish improves. My suggestion is if you really need to understand something somebody is saying, ask them to write it down. It can help to see it in print especially if you are used to reading in Spanish.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you already hit it off with your roommate. I forget where she is from.
Do your windows have persionas, (I don't know how to spell it.) the blinds inside the window to make the room dark? Jeff and I loved those things!
It's almost time for me to get some shut eye. I'll close with what I tell my kids every night.
Te Quiero Mucho!
Que tengas dulce suenos con los angeles! (How do I get the ~ OVER my "n" in suenos? I can only get it seperate.)
Aunt Mary (Oh, I now mean, Maria
The estufa....probably one of my favorite things haha. me and my roommate looked forward to meals so much because we got to put that warm blanket on our laps. it was one of the only times we were actually warm :) keep your head up emily! it will get easier to understand, don't worry.
ReplyDeleteOh my dear Emily Abila! How exciting this is to hear how you are experiencing all of this over seas! I'm sooooo happy for you to take this opportunity to up and leave to a completely foreign country on your own. It is such an amazing experience and I hope and pray that you will begin to settle down within your environment and enjoy all of your time there!
ReplyDeleteTe Quiero Mucho!!! <3 ya darling! ^_^